I wonder sometimes about what happens to us after we die. I imagine what happens to the spirit of who we are. There are ideas about an afterlife in a heaven or hell. I do not believe in these things. I don’t think I believe in anything. I do not need an orthodoxy to dictate my imagination. I can imagine anything I want and as I imagine it, it is true. I can envision a world in an afterlife that can be true, as true as any other fiction might be. Sometimes, I think that we spend an eternity in a single moment of our lives. A hell might be a single moment we experience here in pain. A heaven might be a single moment we experience in pleasure or satisfaction or peace. I used to think to myself when everything seemed to be looking up that the whole world is designed for me. When everything is going well, I imagine that some force is benefitting me. I do not think I will ever think this again. Maybe I was momentarily in a heaven of our world’s making, way back then, but it’s slipped and it’s very far away.
I am almost done with this blog. I committed to writing and posting a song for 365 days. I am almost finished.
I told Miles to think in terms of projects. I encouraged him to present his work as projects, discrete artifacts that appear whole to the viewer or reader. It is easier to say this than to do it.
When I look at paintings, I often ask myself, how did he know he was finished? I encouraged Miles to think in terms of projects, but I did so knowing how hard it is to do so. How do you know what to include? What to cut out? When to end? There is a lesson in not just creating, but in editing and presenting. There is a lot of work and discipline to presenting projects. Not everyone can do it. Lots of people start things but few people finish things. Miles started and finished so many things large and small.
I like projects like this with artificial boundaries. I wrote for 365 days. This by no means ends my grief. It does not reduce the sorrow. It does not make Miles any closer or any farther away. It does not mean my memories or thoughts are complete. There is so much more to remember and think about. There is a lifetime of remembering and sharing and wondering. I will always do so, every day. Always every day. I like that I can close this book and move on to something else, a different way of remembering and sharing.
This blog is almost done. I am almost finished with this project, this commitment, this record, this reflection. It is a reflection of me. It is a reflection of Miles. It is a reflection of my memories and experiences with Miles. It is almost finished.