Day 283: Somebody to Hold Me

When I write about some songs, I know that Miles liked them because he played them for me or I heard him listening to them.  But I am not sure about some songs and some artists.

I am not sure if Miles listened to Jonathan Richman. I know he knew about the Modern Lovers, but I am not sure he knew the connection.

Miles had bought a lot of records over the past few years. Jonathan Sings is one record he bought from a local flea market. It has the name of the Rutgers student radio station written all over it in magic marker and it is beat up. I know he had it but I am not sure if he listened to it and if he did listen to it I am not sure how much he liked it.

This is my favorite song on the album.

Day 276: That Summer Feeling

At the Lake, we jumped off the dock and swam in the water. We felt the mud in our toes. We took out the kayaks and the paddleboard. We took out the motorboat and rode the jet ski.

We arrived on Sunday late at night, and the Lake was pitch black. From the kitchen, you couldn’t see far past the windows into the grass. I always forget how big the lake is and how large the expanse of grass is between the house and the water. And then when I walk into the kitchen first thing in the morning, the light and size of the lawn and the colors of the sky and water are such a pleasant surprise.

The Lake also has a particular odor. The water is silty. If you open your eyes underwater, you can hardly see a thing. It is filled with the tiny particles of the mud of the lake. The odor to my mind is of that brown silt, the muddy stuff suspended in the solution around our bodies, filling our nostrils cool and smooth. I remember so much about the water. Catching Miles when he first jumped in. Wading into the cold with the tentative boys, before they became great swimmers and went far out on their own.

Even in the winter, we walked out onto the ice and heard it cracking beneath our boots. We watched the trucks drive onto the ice to the fishing huts. We threw chunks of ice where a few months earlier we had splashed in the water. Me and Owen and Miles and their friends.

There is so much in the water and along the shore. So much in the grass and in the yard next to the house where we spread out a blanket and dumped the box of Legos and spent an afternoon building ships and houses with Arj. Every square foot has a memory.

Day 273: When I’m Walking

I went to the lake with friends and with Owen and his friend Sasha. My brother Will was there too. It was just a few days, and it was fun. We went during the height of the summer mugginess in Pennsylvania, and the Lake in Maryland was cool and refreshing. It felt great.

But of course, it is so unusual to go to the Lake without Miles. We spent so many summers there with friends on the water in the motorboat and on jetskis or just swimming. We took the kayaks out or went to Swallow Falls. It was such an important part of his childhood. It shaped him and provided us all with great summer memories. Miles learned to swim there. He was always comfortable in the water because we swam so much off the end of the dock. I found pictures of me standing in the water with my arms out ready for him to jump in, and it was difficult to imagine it was him because I cannot remember a time when he was not comfortable in the water.

Before I left the lake, I removed a rock from the firepit. The rocks at the lake are a distinctive thin, flat shape and a muddy brown color. The bed of the lake is filled with them. One day years ago, we fished a bunch of large rocks out of the lake and made a fire pit near the water. We made a circle of rocks as we fished them out. We identified the large rocks underwater with our feet and pulled them to the dock– the lake is too muddy to see anything other than a scrim of silt under the water. Miles would take them back to the land and build the ring. We had great fires in the firepit. It was a great project for our visit that week. I took the rock so I could place it at the crash site at the base of the monument.

I have so many memories of Miles in the water. I remember his laugh especially when he was a boy of nine or ten and we would jump of the dock. So much to remember.