Day 360: Paradise

When I started this project, I was worried I would not have enough to write about. I wrote about a few prominent moments in my memory about Miles and our relationship with each other through music. After I wrote the first few entries, I was worried I would run out of things to say. Instead, I believe I could write forever. I could write about thousands of moments and a million ideas. New music hits my ears and I wonder if Miles would like it. Every day, I remember something new. Something comes to mind that I had forgotten and I jot it down. It does not always make it into a post, but it gets documented somewhere. I added it to the accumulation of ephemera around me, the thousands of things I have that I preserve as it slips away into the past.

I remember that for a while last autumn I would consciously remark to myself about what I was doing and think that maybe it would be the last time I would do it.  When I saw someone from far away whom I might be visiting, I would think, This is the last time I may see them. Or, I might think that this may be my last visit to this part of the forest or to this little town on my drive home. Maybe this was my last meal at this restaurant. Life is uncertain. Anything can happen.   I made the mistake a few times of sharing my thoughts out loud. I regret hurting the people who may have been offended by the thought, but a long time ago I made a deal with myself to never find fault with telling the truth and at the time what I said was real and true. Some things I did felt like the last time forever, like the future was a big abyss.