Day 365: Waiting on a Friend

I believe I will see Miles again.  Some day, I will spend time with my son, my boy locked at age 17 with his long cornsilk hair.  Miles with his ripped jeans and scabby arms from skating and falling.  Miles with his filthy fingernails and yellow sweatshirt.  Miles with his generous smile and bright welcoming eyes.  I will see him again and we will talk about what I did with the rest of my life and what his brother Owen is doing as a man in the world.  We will talk about his mother and her kind heart and good cooking.  We will sit in the sun and look at the sky and open up a folder of his most recent pictures to see what is new in the world through his eyes.

I believe I will see Miles again. The rest of my life is prelude to a new world, somewhere where I will be reunited with Miles.  I will be with him, sometime and somewhere, both of us in peace.

I know now that I treated each phase of Miles’s life as a step toward his next milestone. Crawling led to walking.  Middle school was preparation for high school. High school was preparation for college.  College was to be a preparation for a life and career.  I realize that maybe I spent too much time concentrating on the future and not enjoying the present.  I wish I had spent more time being in the present and enjoying the time he spent with me as a boy and young man.  Now, I am the one who prepares for the future. I am preparing every day for the time I get to see Miles again and I can tell him, “Yes Miles, I have done right by you.  I did my best.  I am so glad to see you again.”  My life is preparation for our beautiful reintroduction.

Until then I wait.  I wait in the sunlight, waiting on my friend.

2 thoughts on “Day 365: Waiting on a Friend

  1. Thank you for sharing this tender, layered tribute to your complex and impassioned son. This past year, It had deepened my appreciation of Miles and of your loss and love.

    Liked by 1 person

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