For the few months immediately following Miles’s death, I spent a lot of time alone and I would take long walks in the woods. I would also walk at night around town.
I made an effort to slow down. I was in a daze. I was at a loss. At every moment of the day, I was painfully conscious of Miles being gone. I wasn’t sure what to do. The world as I had inhabited it before was alien and distant.
I tried to ground myself. When I took walks, I would walk very slowly. I naturally walk fast. I seem to always be in a hurry. My natural state is to be rushed. It is a bad habit and I have changed a little bit. Slow walking became a form of meditation. It helped ground me. I would think about placing each foot in front of the other, not thinking about where it was taking me but thinking about the step itself. It was one of many habits I adopted in that empty space of my life.