Day 256: Wicked World

Meditating on music and thinking about my memories and experiences with Miles has provided me with a lot of interesting insights. For example, I realized a lot about how my mind works when it comes to fear.

When I was a kid, I was scared to swim. Sometimes, I was even scared to take a bath. If you had asked me and if I had told you the truth, I would have told you it was because I was afraid of sharks. Sharks in bath tubs and swimming pools. Of course, it is ridiculous. There are no sharks in pools and bath tubs. But I had no way to express my fear of water. I was scared of drowning. I was afraid of pain and death. I was afraid of losing control and never coming back for air. As a boy, the best way I could explain it was that I was scared of sharks. It was shorthand for my fears, an easy way to describe the fear I felt. It did not make sense, but it also makes perfect sense. If you’re scared of sharks, stay the fuck out of the water.

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