Day 121: Middle Cyclone

“Middle Cyclone” has such images and such a sound. Neko Case uses a music box in this song, and it is perfect, I think.

“It was so clear to me
That it was almost invisible.
I lie across the path waiting,
Just for a chance to be a spiderweb
Trapped in your lashes.
For that, I would trade you my empire for ashes.
But I choke it back, how much I need love…”

I write about Miles and music. Early on in starting to write this, I was worried that it would take on the wrong kind of life. It should not have a life of its own. This project is a device. I use it to access memories of Miles. It is a tool.

If this project takes on a life of its own, then I have used it wrong. I write about my own experiences sometimes when a song comes to me that I like, and when I think about songs I like or liked when I was younger I can access something in me about Miles like a memory of an imagination of what he may also have experienced on his own. But this is not about my narcissism. The light should not be shined on me, but through me to him.

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One thought on “Day 121: Middle Cyclone

  1. Hi David: your posts are beautiful. Don’t worry if they include songs that comfort you. Oliver Sacks says we humans cannot live with out music. And now (no!!!) Oliver Sacks is dying. Your project is lovely. I’m so impressed by how well and concisely you write on a daily basis. This blog is about Miles, but it’s also about your healing a bit this first terrible year of missing him.

    My friend Vicky was here yesterday and she said she couldn’t believe how remarkable a person Miles was, and how uncannily similar Your losses are. She cried talking about Nate. I wish you could have met him. That he and miles could have met! She wasn’t able to listen to music for probably two years after Nate died, so she is blown away by your blog. Nate had the coolest, eclectic taste in music but he was never snobby about it. (“Yeah, Fountains of Wayne are a little poppy, but I like them! Then a suggestion.) Vic is short on photos and burglars (Neanderthal pond scum), who cleaned out their house took the video camera with the most recent pictures of Nate. Natey was my kitty’s first pet sitter, and baked gorgeous desserts I loved. He was a guy’s guy but loved cooking and baking and was headed to UC Davis to study culinary arts among other things. But his life was cut short an August night after he’d graduated high school.

    The author Nick Hornby has a severely autistic boy. He’s said in interviews that only music really soothes his son–he listens to it constantly with his headphones. Music’s the one thing to which his boy can connect.

    Keep up the lovely, inspiring good work. Love, Lolly

    Ps: I wish I had a teenager now for two things: hip music suggestions, and technology savvy. Oh, and one thing Miles and Nate had in common—they had lots of friends, but were NOT sullen teenagers with adults. Sigh. Beautiful boys.

    >

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